If You Can't Stand The Heat
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Stay out of my kitchen.


I own nothing from the Ben 10 franchise, nor do I claim to. Sometimes the things I read cause my brain to shut down for a few minutes. But then it fires those little synapses back up, and I produce something even worse!

Our handsome villainous hero, D'Void, lord of the Null Void, ruler of all he surveys, inexplicable father of what has to be one of the most annoyingly bizarre Mary Sues ever to grace the fandom, and attach themselves to one particular instance of a character only three people in the entire fandom actually like, and by like, I mean truly and honestly have emotional attachments to, which is hilarious when they read fanfiction like this, including mine, even though I know them and they think it's funny, and they know I am at least not doing anything out of seriousness, thank goodness, amirite? Moving on...D'Void strode into his posh citadel living quarters, walked over to the specialized baby crib he had made for a freaking baby Null Guardian, who I repeat, is not a Mary Sue in any way, because she does not receive extravagant amounts of special treatment, whoops, ignore everything I wrote previously that directly contradicts that statement of denial, and witnessed his precious baby!Sue Null Guardian opting for his undivided attention again.

It had long streams of snot pouring out of its...wait, they don't have noses. They have to sneeze out of their gill things, right? Uh...hmm. There is no attempt at logic in any of the original stories, is there? None whatsoever. Huh. Well then. All right. I will go along with the flow. It happens to be made of feces, quite unfortunately.

His freaky little baby-thing was sneezing, though we do not understand how, and crying, though we also do not understand how, but it was...and it was sad, and very much cause for an extreme amount of concern. It turned out to have...the...the...seriously? The flu. Yes, a Null Guardian caught a random influenza virus. In the Null Void. Okay.

"I'll make it better, baby!" he cried while sobbing hysterically. He hugged his daughter-creature, who vomited hot, steamy bile, and let out a goose honking sound. "Daddy's going to make you all better!" D'Void ran to the closet. He ran back out in a nurse's uniform. Like the one Joker wore in TDK. He was wearing so much additional makeup, he looked like the Joker did in that movie. "Nurse D'Void is here for you!"

D'Void ran off to locate some delicious hot healing broth for his preciously horrid baby-creature.

Once outside, D'Void was inevitably instantly confronted with those two Plumbers' Helpers, Manny and Helen, and a bunch of random, nameless, expendable rebels.

"I must get HEALS for my BABBY!" Nurse DF'Void yelled with determination.

"Where the fuck is Ben Tennyson when you need him?" Manny groaned.

Seconds later, they were dead. D'Void cooked them into a boiling pot. He fed the resulting broth to his sick little baby. But, tragically, the baby got more sick, and died.

"Noooo!" D'Void shrieked.

He fell to his knees, where he sobbed hysterically for hours. Then he got bored, and changed into a maid's costume. Then he laid back down on the floor, sobbed again for another hour, then fell asleep. Then he woke up, went to the kitchen, had some cake, went back to the bedroom, changed his clothes again, this time into his regular clothes, which did not involve a shirt, and he watched some TV. After getting bored again, he wandered around aimlessly, wishing he could get through the dimension and to Bellwood. Because that's the area he would immediately go once he broke into the Earth. Not Washinton D.C., or anywhere else. Bellwood. That is the only place I know where the Ben Tens take place in. Other than the Null Void. Which does have a shopping mall, and many chains of department stores. You know, to buy cakes and digital clocks from! Don't bring me your canon based simple logic. Fools!

"What's taking that damn drill so long?" D'Void wondered.

He walked outside. Ben was there, breaking his drill. He gasped. Ben turned into Humongousaur, and punched D'Void into the ground. This time, without the kormite powers of nigh invulnerability, he got very much injured.

"Ow, my spine!" D'Void wailed. "I can't feel anything below my neck, you asshole!"

"That's your problem, Animo," Ben responded. "You shouldn't have attempted this bullshit."

"I should have been a janitor, like my mother wanted," D'Void, or if you prefer, just Doctor Animo, sobbed. "Who will take care of my BABY?" He sobbed, more sobbingly than he had ever sobbed before.

"I will," said Manny. Manny pulled out a sledgehammer.

"Oh, thank the lord!" D'Void wailed with his last moment of fleeting lucidity, before passing out. And, yes, he did shit his pants. You know you like it when he does that. Don't lie. Maybe I'll throw in some water sports down the road. Or do you prefer it be called...omorashi? Did I spell that right?

The End


End file.
